I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
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