Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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