I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
