just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
