just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
