i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
