you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
