yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
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