I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm having a debate with **** over whether or not he is gay... what's your verdict?
GAY or at the very least bisexual.
His "joking around" with all of his roommates is clearly as act. He needs to step back and reevaluate his sexual orientation.
Weird... you've rode him.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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