She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
