It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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