Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
