youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
