In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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