If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
