I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
