My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Bring me that man meat
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
