Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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