WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
