you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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