he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
