I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
