I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
