Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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