this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
