OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
