People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
