I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
