We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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