Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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