Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
