U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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