I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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