she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
