so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
