rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
