I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
