So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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