The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
