she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
bring money and cleavage
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
