a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
