i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
