I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
