He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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