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Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
