Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
