I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
