she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
