i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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