i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
