my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
