i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
