but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
