i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
