Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
