Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
