i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
