you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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